Hooray 2009!

You're going to be much better than that bastard 2008, I can already tell.

In 2009, I plan to attempt to amuse my friends with close readings of pop songs, mention Beyoncé conspicuously every once in a while -- or constantly, whatever -- and continue to celebrate inanity.


Also, I'm going to go to the gym every once in a while.

Happy new year, everybody! Remember: champagne is a hell of a hangover. Stick with hard liquor and you'll be golden.