The joys of office life

This post really belongs on passiveaggressivenotes.com, but since they won't publish it for some reason (Twice I've submitted it! Twice!) I'm forced to put it here instead.

Upon walking into a breakroom at work several months ago, I found the following display:

Nothing remarkable on first glance. There are six notes posted in the approximately 70 square feet of this room. Let's have a look at them, shall we? First, we'll start with the white one on the fridge.

Hmm ... pretty passive-aggressive, but nothing crazy. I do like the pedantic tone, though. Kudos for that. But what's that yellow note to the left?


Ah-ha! This is a jackpot! Here is the painstakingly transcribed text rejected by the assholes at passiveaggressivenotes.com:

Attention Pudding Thief:

It is wrong to steal. Maybe you thought, "Hey, it's just one pudding cup." Maybe you thought, "Hey, this has probably been here for a while." Maybe you thought, Hey, no one's watching."

Well, maybe if you thought for even one second about the questionable ethics of your action, you would have come to the realization that even stealing one pudding cup is wrong.

Also: maybe you would have thought, "Hey, someone put this pudding cup in the fridge because they plan on eating it later on today."

But hey, maybe you can't read. Not even this note. That would actually explain a lot and make me feel much better about my pudding situation. Because there is a clearly taped sign to the door of the fridge. It says don't steal other people's food.

Please comply in the future.

Oh, this is glorious! My favorite part -- and there are lots of contenders -- is the phrase "my pudding situation." I like to imagine that the note's writer thought a lot about his/her pudding situation. I can imagine some sleepless nights being caused by the P.S., as it would surely be known in the note writer's scrawled late-night journal entries.

And ... as if that note wasn't enough, there are two more pertaining to the P.S.! First, on the cabinet above and to the right of the microwave:

This. This! This is a masterstroke of passive aggression. I don't even know what to say. How can this possibly be bested? Well, what's in the donations box?

Help yourself to these goodies indeed! (That's a bag of Celestial Seasonings' "Madagascar Vanilla Red" whatever the hell that is.) I do have to admit that there was a candy cane in the box that I ate.

I am not the pudding thief.