MJemories

Four memories loosely associated with Michael Jackson.

(1) 1984. The first cassette in my Fisher-Price tape deck was either Thriller or Weird Al Yankovic in 3-D. Therefore, literally the first song I can recall listening to is either "Beat It" or "Eat It."

Later, I would put the Thriller cassette in Teddy Ruxpin's back, but he could never move like Michael. Or Weird Al for that matter.

(2) 1985. When I was five, I remember for some reason comparing things I did to imaginary things my favorite celebrities would do. For instance, when I flushed the toilet before I was done peeing, that was something Bill Cosby would do. When I frantically wrestled with the pillows on my parents' bed, I told them it was something Michael Jackson would do. My other favorite celebrities were Eddie Murphy and Mr. T, but I can't remember what actions I attributed to them. I also tied a bandanna around my knee to be cool but my brother called me out for imitating Punky Brewster so I cut that shit out.

(3) 2001. Kinsolving cafeteria. My friend Bryan was singing Billie Jean: "Remember to always think twice." Two strangers, apparently independently of one another, simultaneously responded with MJ's trademark "HEE-HOO-HOO" scream and then looked at each other in utter shock.

(4) Last night. After class, this guy named Rick paid tribute to MJ by attempting to moonwalk. He knocked over a row of chairs and fell over. It was pretty hilarious.

Rest in peace, MJ.

That's "Señor Hollyfeld" to you, pendejo

So this blog has really been taking off lately.  Actually, that's the opposite of what the blog has been doing.  It's more like I've been taking off from the blog, right?  I know, right?

Basically it's like this: I am incredibly unmotivated to do anything.  I'm not sure why exactly -- it feels vaguely like depression, but it's not actually, since I'm not, you know, depressed.  But what little motivation and time I do have is routinely divvied up among my family, my job, the class I'm teaching, YouTube videos, the blog, and now Twitter.  Yeah, that's right, I joined Twitter.  It's pretty cool actually -- it's the good parts of Facebook (interaction) without the nonsense (quizzes, groups, spam, photo galleries, profiles, etc.).  So I get it now, and it's good.

All that to say, sorry blog.  This is what feed readers were invented for; I'll probably pick up with more regular posts and cutting observations on the state of music, fashion, and Beyoncé sometime soon, but it'll probably be slow for a while.  I know my moods and brain chemistry well enough to know that I will be posting the shit out this blog in about three weeks.

Now the good news:

1. I just got a promotion.  Booyah!  My formal title was "Desktop Support Specialist."  It will now be "Sr. Desktop Support Specialist."  Yes, the title officially has an abbreviation at the beginning.  It technically stands for "Senior" but I'm going to alternate between pretending it stands for "Señor" and "Sister" (as in a nun).  I have also officially gained the unofficial title (ah, bureaucracy) of "IT Manager."  This is pretty cool, since it means I can talk to people in other parts of the University without them wondering who the hell I am, but it's also a little intimidating since I am now officially responsible for the lazy undergrad losers I've hired to work in my lab and if one of them doesn't show up for a week I'm expected to notice and do something about it.

2. Baby and I are going to Mexico tomorrow!  Woo!  We're going to an island off the coast near Cancun.  It'll be awesome and I'm very much looking forward to it.  Baby's mom is watching the girls for three whole nights.  Woo!

A comparison

Fuller's new library looks great and all ...



... but I can't help but be reminded of something else:


In-put.  Need in-put.  I'm looking forward to seeing that library in person some day.  Hopefully it doesn't look like Johnny 5 in real life.

Twitter digest, 5/18

It has been suggested that I join Twitter.  It is out of sheer obstinance and a fear of the unknown that I have thus far avoided really figuring out what the point of Twitter is, and it's looking pretty unlikely that I will join anytime soon.

Instead, I'm going to give you, the blog reader, all my tweet-worthy thoughts of the previous day, in digest form.  This may seem rather pointless, but ... well, there's no second half to this sentence.

5/18 10:31am -- Chick-Fil-A's new "Chick Fil A" sauce (honey mustard plus something creamy) is fucking delicious, but I'm sticking with Polynesian sauce.

5/18 10:44am -- Listened to the Commodores' Night Shift on YouTube.

5/18 10:55am -- Rode the lollercoaster after watching this.

5/18 1:49pm -- Fuck this, I'm out.

Insert Jim Anchower reference here

So it's been a couple weeks since I blogged.  Mostly I've been busy with the class Arkay and I are doing.  In the process of planning the class I discovered a German theologian named Horst Balz.  I couldn't find a picture of him, but here is a picture of his car:

That is all.  Aside from the class, I'm finding that not being busy at work makes me extremely lazy and unmotivated.  WTF is up with that?  I'm supposed to walk across campus now to work on a problem I've been putting off for several days now, but it feels like I'm wearing one of those lead aprons you wear for dental x-rays.  WTF.  I already drank my coffee, too.

Also we've been driving around looking at houses for Rupe and Conk.  We're really looking forward to them moving here, and not because I'm running out of amusing sound effects and Indigo Girls songs to add to the videos we make.  Oh no, I have plenty of those.  I am really enjoying driving the beige minivan through various ghettos with a video camera, and I will miss that once they've moved here.  Maybe we can just make it a thing we do for fun.

Can nobody think of a decent title anymore?

So, you know that terribly-titled Coldplay song "Viva la Vida?"*  Well, apparently some stupidly-named band called Creaky Boards claimed that their ironically-monikered song "The Songs I Didn't Write" was the basis for it.   (Most honest line: "when you heard the notes that would have vaulted from my throat, there is a meaning past the awfulness.")  I'm not sure if they actually sued or what, but shortly after Creaky Boards started making this claim, Joe Satriani stepped up to claim that Viva la Vida was actually a ripoff of his song "If I Could Fly" from the abysmally-titled album "Is There Love In Space?".  (Best line: "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANK.")  Coldplay did what anyone would when faced with allegations of listening to Joe Satriani and claimed that those CDs were their brother's and they have no idea how that shit got in their car.

Regardless, Satriani is suing Coldplay.  Creaky Boards -- perhaps afraid of being called to testify and potentially having to listen to that Satriani song at deposition -- rescinded their claim and speculated that perhaps everybody was actually inspired by a song from Legend of Zelda.  The obvious question at this point is which Legend of Zelda song sounds like Viva la Vida, but apparently I'm the only one who cares and I can't find anything even remotely like it online.  

Anyway.  Then, my personal hero Cat Stevens (a.k.a. Yusuf "Radical" Islam) stepped in to bring a dose of sanity into the proceedings by pointing out that actually all three songs sound quite a bit like part of his "Foreigner Suite."  (Best/worst line: "Heaven must have programmed you."  Cylon reference?)  He's not suing -- unlike when he settled with The Flaming Lips over similarities between their "Fight Test" and his "Father and Son."  (Speaking of which, Wayne Coyne from The Flaming Lips looks a lot like Cat Stevens, don't you think?)

The best thing to come out of this whole mess is easily this video by someone named Michael.  It is definitely the best song yet recorded with the phrase "ride the bone roller coaster" in it.

All that to say: I am not a Coldplay fan but I can't really hate them after seeing Chris Martin on Extras.  Also, he's married to Margot Tenenbaum.  What, where did you think this was going?  

Fashion angers and confuses me

Before I begin, I need to say two things.  

First, I need to say that both of Craig's comments on my last post made me laugh aloud (I believe the kids call that "LALing.")

Second, I need to tell you that I'm currently wearing cargo shorts with black socks and tennis shoes.  For the first time I can recall in my married life, my wife said, "you can't wear that to work," as I left the house.  I explained to her that there are certain relaxed standards for fashion applied to IT staff.  Also I couldn't find any clean pants.  This to say I don't know shit about fashion, and if you are looking for an informed opinion about fashion and style, you should go elsewhere.

Moving forward.  As I mentioned the other day, I recently found this excellent website dedicated to making fun of the physical appearances of hipsters (and apparently their cats).  The site has opened my eyes to the depths of terrible terrible style out there in hipsterland and makes me feel a lot better about myself -- all while demeaning others.  After reading the site for a few weeks, I found it hard to believe that it really represented either mainstream or cutting-edge hipster style, so yesterday I took a look at a few fashion-type blogs and was shocked at some of the clothes being presented as blogworthy.  Here are a few specimens:

(From Facehunter.)  I first encountered the 80's style revival when Baby and I went to Paris seven years ago.  I thought "thank God this will never catch on in America."  When it did, years later, I thought "well thank God early 90's fashion will never come back."  Looking at Blossom up there, though, I'm forced to acknowledge that the 90's are back.  I think I'm just going to embrace it.  From now on I'm taking all my style cues from this video.  At least the boring-ass style of the late 90's will never come back.

Oh shit.  Okay, this just pisses me off.  Anybody who has shopped in thrift stores for a while knows that these clothes have been readily available in great lots for a long time.  This is the stuff you're supposed to PASS BY because it looks STUPID.  When I look at that girl I'm forced to recall listening my high school ladyfriends prattle on about Fresia body lotion, Friends, and Ross King.  (Hell yeah I mentioned Ross King.  If you don't know what I'm talking about, substitute Jackopierce or Caedmon's Call.  If you still don't know what I'm talking about, consider yourself very lucky.)

No.  No, no, no.  Not allowed.  This cannot come back.  Stop it.

This is okay with me, actually.  This can come back.  I will get a kick out of seeing people wear this for a few years, even if that dude looks like he's about to walk down those stairs and get graped.