Monday, January 11, 2010

How people found this blog in 2009, pt. 3

This is the final installment of the list of search terms people used to find this blog in 2009, categorized and italicized.

Category eight: Beyoncé
beyonce vocoder
obstacles beyonce had to overcome
beyonce reader

If you're looking for a good Beyoncé reader, I'd recommend Scott Foresman Company's Beyoncé Reads! Learn to Read with Beyoncé Knowles, second edition. It's aimed at kids in first grade, and reinforces phonics and "sounding it out" through a series of short stories involving Beyoncé and her coterie of friends and associates.

Also, obstacles Beyoncé had to overcome include being average height, the breakup of Destiny's Child, and acting in a Steve Martin comedy made after 1990.

Category nine: Misc.

This is really my favorite category, becuase for the most part I have no idea how these people ended up at my blog.

christian mccafe the porn star

I'm guessing there's a porn star whose name is Christian McCafe or something similar. Which is pretty awesome, really -- the idea that she decided to call herself McCafe, after the cut-rate McDonald's espresso drinks. Because that was the most sensual or suggestive thing she could come up with. I'm guessing this post is responsible for this searcher ending up here, along with a number of other McCafe-themed searchers.

Since writing my post on the confused McCafe hipster-bashing radio spots, I have actually had the occasion to try McCafe. I have to admit I was a little afraid at first -- what if it were really delicious, and everything I knew turned out to be a lie? Would I have to throw out my beloved scratchy turtlenecks and stop watching French films? Well, that turned out not to be a problem because my "Americano" (ordered black) was a sickly sweet, high fructose corn syrup-laden cup of filth with almost no discernible coffee flavor. I was so relieved.

how to get people angere
is there a reason it seems to be faces on rocks

Probably because you're tripping balls.

nostic cargo shorts

I think you're looking for gnostic cargo shorts. Those are with the rest of the early church artifacts, such as Marcion's Jams and the True Umbros of Paul of Tarsus.

people breathing annoys me


s it rocked mean?
simple simom sxhool fpr advamces pie thrpwong
teddy ruxpin thriller
case study song and lyric bring negative things to the youngs
groupie confessions adam ant
bill cosby gets pie in the face

I don't have time to analyze the last few search terms, but I had to include these because they're so awesome. I love the internet.

Anyway, here's to 2010 -- may it be less 'tarded than 2009.

Postscript to my blogging friends who never blog anymore: HOW DARE YOU. HOW. DARE. YOU. I like Twitter and all (really, I do), but you cannot delve into the minutiae of life with the necessary depth in 140 characters.

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